All 16-Bit

Review #12701 Marko The other Soccer Kid MD CD PAL 1994 Domark Action Action › Platform X 24 / 100 You've been warned Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 1 / 5 Gameplay These soccer themed games will be the death of me. Who thought this would be compelling? Possibly the slowest movement speed in a 16 bit platformer. You can run but there are too many enemies and hazards to use this much. Not to be confused with The Adventures of Kid Kleets, which was developed by a completely different team. 1 / 5 Level Design I can't beat the first level. It's your standard licensed platformer with slow movement, terrible hit detection, no i-frames, cheap hits, etc., etc. 1 / 5 Theme Soccer kid 2 / ...

Review #12702 Smurfs The most pointless CD port MD CD PAL 1994 Infogrames Action Action › Platform G 40 / 100 Bad Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 2 / 5 Gameplay No change from the cartridge version. Plays much better than the SNES version, which I played first. Still bad, but more playable. All the Westerm hallmarks. Slow movement, horrible hitboxes, inconsistent means of attacking enemies. I'm fact only a couple of enemies can be killed by bopping. Most can't be dealt with at all. Also a 40% draw distance. 1 / 5 Level Design Plays to all of the gameplay's deficiencies. Precision platforming is required everywhere. Perfect jumps are required to cross gaps, climb a tree in stage two, ride birds in stage three, and avoid enemy attacks....

Review #12138 Wonder Dog Bad dog. No biscuit. Sega CD 1992 JVC Action Action › Platform G 44 / 100 Bad Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 2 / 5 Gameplay Responsive controls are wasted by oneof the worst means of attack ever in a platformer. You're a dog. A Wonder Dog, but your only means of attack is throwing a star attack that bounces around so randomly that it's impossible to guarantee you'll hit the enemy right in front of you. You can't bop or punch/kick enemies and of course they swarm at you, so you're left mashing A and hoping for the best. I said the controls are responsive, but this is also nerfed by the "hold B to run" mechanic which turns you into a mix between Sonic and an ice skater. Frustrating 2 / 5 Level De...

Review #12134 Wild Woody If THQ created Earthworm Jim Sega CD 1995 Sega Action Action › Platform X 22 / 100 You've been warned Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 1 / 5 Gameplay Plays like Earthworm Jim, if it was created by THQ. Truly awful, jerky controls. Terrible hot detection. Etc. etc. 2 / 5 Level Design Nothing terribly wrong with the level design, but far from good. Stages drag on far too long and have so many dead ends and useless branches that you'd think they were procedurally generated. 0 / 5 Theme Everything that's wrong with mid 90s sensibilities wrapped up in a neat little package. You are a pencil. Yes. A pencil. Once that has been animated by a mystic totem found by a modern Indiana Jo...

Review #12115 Sonic CD The one with a weird soundtrack Sega CD 1993 Sega Action Action › Platform D 75 / 100 Good Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 4 / 5 Gameplay Plays like Sonic 1, but with the spin move from Sonic 2. Some of the most severe momentum based movement in any platformer. Feels great with the bounce pads and the long running segments, but is not good for precision platforming. Still, there's a lot to like, which is true for all the 2D Sonic titles. If you like one, you'll like them all. 3 / 5 Level Design The stages feel huge. Tall, anyway. I envision them as a big square with almost as much verticality as horizontal space. In other words, they're very short levels which encourage exploration but don't reward it in a...

Review #12096 Radical Rex Tyranno wrecks Sega CD 1994 Activision Action Action › Platform E 61 / 100 Your mileage may vary Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 3 / 5 Gameplay Moves include jump (no bop), utterly useless kick which doesn't connect with any enemy's hitbox, roar (clear the screen), and shoot flame. Only the flame is any use but it requires ammo which is plentiful on the first level but is rare in the second. Lots of things that look innocuous will insta-kill you, like the top of a log that you can slide down if you're inside it. Decent controls 3 / 5 Level Design Bubsy clone. Mostly linear, but verticality to encourage collecting eggs. Get enough and you earn a mini game at the end of the rather long levels. The skateboa...

Review #12076 Mickey Mania: The Timeless Adventures of Mickey Mouse It's Mania, but I'm not Crazy about it Sega CD 1994 Sony Imagesoft Action Action › Platform F 56 / 100 Not Bad, but Flawed Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 2 / 5 Gameplay Crazy load times! Plays like a western dev game - slow movement, bad hit boxes, indeterminable platforms, unpredictable enemy patterns, cheap enemy placement, stupid healthbar in the hud Regarding hitboxes, enemies are huge and wide and have flailing arms and legs and seemingly every part of their body hits you. They're so animated that their hitbox covers 25% of the screen sometimes. 3 / 5 Level Design Every level looks unique Some fun elements like swinging vines that are easy to grab However t...

Review #12046 Flink I don't flink so Sega CD 1994 Vic Tokai Action Action › Platform G 49 / 100 Bad Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 1 / 5 Gameplay Plays a bit faster than the MD version (PAL 50Mhz sux) but still one of the slowest platformers that I can think of. It's like playing as a geriatric patient, shuffling around the halls of a nursing home. You can build up "speed" after several seconds of walking but this takes so long that you really use it. Think Hook, but at 1/4 speed. Your only ability is to jump, so bopping enemies is your only means of attack. This time around I did figure out the spell crafting feature, but it's clunky, stupid guesswork. Just give me the spell and be done with it. The spells seem useless anyway. Do these give you offensive ...

Review #12019 Chuck Rock II: Son of Chuck More like Son of Barney Rubble Sega CD 1993 Sony Imagesoft Action Action › Platform E 64 / 100 Your mileage may vary Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 3 / 5 Gameplay Same as the Genesis version Surprisingly good movement. Short jump, just like the first game. The main improvement is the primary attack with a club that has a huge arc. This makes combat and puzzles easy. The attack has a long animation so you have to press the button far in advance which makes for slow progression. 4 / 5 Level Design Vast improvement over the ok level design of the original. This one focuses on the puzzle aspects more than combat, and I'm glad they did. There's less memorization required as well. ...

Review #12018 Chuck Rock Joe & Mac: The Twilight Years Sega CD 1992 Sony Imagesoft Action Action › Platform G 46 / 100 Bad Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 2 / 5 Gameplay Another lazy Sega Genesis to CD port. No meaningful improvements. Primary attack is to thrust your pelvis at enemies and hit them with your belly. It's as satisfying as it sounds. Uggh Can't bop Very short jump makes it hard to avoid enemies Controls are responsive but moves are so limiting that progress depends less on skill than on memorization and timing to attack enemies before they can launch an unavoidable attack 3 / 5 Level Design Nice platforming sequences but that's pretty much all the levels have going for them. Just rinse and repeat with the same p...

Review #11071 Mirai Shonen Conan Conan the Pedestrian PCE CD 1992 Telenet Japan Action Action › Platform H 29 / 100 Horrible Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 1 / 5 Gameplay Not much to it, I'm afraid. You've got a weak and short ranged kick or jump kick, but in most cases it's best to avoid enemies rather than kill them. They respawn anyway, so why risk it? Controls have the triple wammy of being too fast, floaty, and momentum based, which leads to fall after fall. There are no powerups, no collectibles, no real combat, and the same foot soldiers over and over. 2 / 5 Level Design I'm tempted to drop this down even further, but at least there's variety in the setting. The stages have small platforms and slopes which don...

Review #11012 Bonanza Bros. Reminds me of Spy vs Spy. Thief vs Thief? PCE CD 1992 NEC Action Action › Platform E 63 / 100 Your mileage may vary Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 3 / 5 Gameplay Stiff and slow movement, but responsive and adequate for the game's slow pace. Shoot and jump and the only moves although the level is composed of two planes which you can toggle between. Reminds me a lot of Gunpoint for the PC. Minus the hacking mechanic obviously. The objective is to be stealthy but you can really just go in guns blazing, avoid enemy attacks, steal the stuff, and finish the level. Like most old arcade games, there's very little gameplay and most of the fun is in seeing the next level. It's a good time for a few minutes. 3 / 5 Leve...

Review #11009 Baby Jo the Superhero Oh Baby PCE CD 1992 Micro World Action Action › Platform X 24 / 100 You've been warned Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 1 / 5 Gameplay The most floaty controls in a platformer. It takes, no joke, three seconds to complete a jump. Jump. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi. Land. No i-frames. Only one way to attack, via a projectile with an arch far too tall and long and a miniscule hitbox. Oh and limited ammo. It may as well not be available at all. The gameplay is technically not a complete trainwreck, but I will never touch this game again. 2 / 5 Level Design Just like the gameplay, the level designs are just good enough that I can't completely vilify them. But they're too long, ...

Review #10002 Bonk 3: Bonk's Big Adventure CD Big Bonk. Little Bonk. TG-16 CD 1993 TTI Action Action › Platform D 73 / 100 Good Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 3 / 5 Gameplay Step back from Bonk 2. Sluggish controls. Some fun mechanics like getting huge or small but these are more gimmicky than they are useful. 4 / 5 Level Design Massive variety. Probably the highlight of the game 5 / 5 Theme Bonk's always good fun 5 / 5 Art Style Lovely graphics. No upgrade from the HuCard version, as near as I can tell. 4 / 5 Audio Wonderful music that doesn't really match the setting, but is high quality, nonetheless. CD quality to the resc...

Review #10004 Camp California Beach Boys with a side of environmentalism TG-16 CD 1992 TTI Action Action › Platform H 36 / 100 Horrible Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 2 / 5 Gameplay Top-tier THQ gameplay. That should be nuff said, but just to drive home the point: Floaty controls Bad hit detection Tiny platforms Huge sprite and tiny enemies Etc etc Somehow not a complete mess, but not a passing grade either. 1 / 5 Level Design The objective in each stage is the collection of a relatively small number of pieces of garbage. You read that right - you pick up trash. Some stages have additional completion objectives, which are obtuse and never shared with you. It's a mess. There's also an overworld linking the stages but you must earn t...

Review #10000 Addams Family Mary Poppins wants her broom back TG-16 CD 1991 NEC Action Action › Platform X 20 / 100 You've been warned Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 1 / 5 Gameplay Nothing like the Genesis/SNES version. You play as a lawyer looking dude with an umbrella that fires projectiles with limited range. Floaty controls and enemies that are damage sponges and swarm to you for constant damage. No fun. 1 / 5 Level Design Explore a mansion with clearly marked gated doors. Find the right colored key to open the next gate. Rooms are small but filled with enemies that spawn endlessly. 1 / 5 Theme Still from the movie, theme song from the show, voice acting from a B movie casting call, artwork and gameplay...

Review #8095 Obocchama-kun Young Master looks like an old man to me PCE 1991 Namco Action Action › Platform G 43 / 100 Bad Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 2 / 5 Gameplay Discount Mario with a short shot. Enemies can be bopped or shot with the pea shooter. It's fine but nothing you haven't seen a million times before. Poor hit detection and a short jump. 2 / 5 Level Design Uninspired, but fine. Enemy placement is the main obstacle rather than platforming. In fact the stages have few gaps and no difficult platforming sections. 3 / 5 Theme Typical mascot platformer trappings. Not much presentation. Absurdists Japanese setting. 2 / 5 Art Style Looks ok but ugly sprites ...

Review #8092 Niko Niko Pun For the Kids PCE 1991 NHK Vook Action Action › Platform H 28 / 100 Horrible Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 1 / 5 Gameplay Clearly aimed at a young audience, this game's one and only mechanic is to jump. And move, I suppose. The objective is to collect fruit and get to the end of the stage. The controls, such as they are, work just fine. You move slowly, but so do enemies. The fruits are often just within reach with a perfectly timed jump, which is the only challenge in this game. You don't even have health - instead enemies briefly stun you which wastes time. A Wonder Boy/Adventure Island timer slowly ticks down, and failure to complete the stage in time will cause you to restart. You also much reach the end after collecting three of the specifie...

Review #8084 Mizubaku Daibouken Kirby's Wet Ride PCE 1992 Taito Action Action › Platform C 80 / 100 Very Good Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 4 / 5 Gameplay I've got complaints, but this is a great game. Well, a fun one anyway. It's devilishly difficult because two factors - hitboxes and health. You die in a single hit while enemies often take many. You attack with a thrown ball of water that bounces around like the star in Gimmick. It's an unreliable projectile that's often frustrating. Hitboxes are maddeningly small and confusing. Enemies might have a tiny hitbox in only a small part of their body. Bosses are the worst offenders, due to their size, but all enemies and you have unusual, illogical hitboxes. Movement is slow but predictable and feels like a Ki...

Review #8065 Honey on the Road Frogger as a platformer PCE 1990 Face Action Action › Platform D 73 / 100 Good Screenshot used for review/reference purposes. 4 / 5 Gameplay Plays like Frogger. Four layers of platforms move independently. You can jump to avoid enemies or cross gaps and perform a jump attack or whatever power up you've acquired in that stage. Controls are tight although the jump and attack have a long animation that can't be interrupted so you better hope you timed it right. It's a twitchy platform experience that's more fun than I was expecting. 3 / 5 Level Design The concept is initially intriguing but plays itself out before long. The only real variety between stages are the direction and speed of the four conveyor belt layers...